Black mesa disaster Pc#
Black mesa disaster plus#

I’m more familiar with the layout of Half-Life than I am with that of female genitalia, and Black Mesa follows it closely, so it’s all that lovely pacing and narrative gameplay but now with the beer goggles taken off.Įverything’s crisper, the guns are more satisfying, the characters have a little more character, the environments make a little more sense with not so many sewage runoff pipes outflowing inexplicably into people’s offices. If you want to know how Black Mesa would be for someone who’s never played the original then I haven’t got the least fucking idea, go to Timmy Tween Twitchstreamer and pay him a hundred bits to answer that question if he can stop sucking Mountain Dew from his mum’s titties for five seconds. Part of the value of art is as a capsule of the styles and attitudes of its era, dragging an old classic into the present and forcing it to chase new trends is a cycle that never stops, the Source engine is itself pretty old and crusty at this point and Black Mesa will now need to be remade again in Unreal Engine 4 with VR support and oh bollocks probably shouldn’t put the idea in their heads.īut on the other hand, my down-to-earth brain points out A) this is the fucking modern games industry we’re talking about, where they don’t even apply backwards compatability to their baseball caps, so in a few years this might well be the only way we CAN play Half-Life, and B) Black Mesa gives me lovely wobbly feelings in my tummy tum because Half-Life is my boo. Now, my philosophy brain reminds me that I disapprove of this kind of thing. Hop to it.” And thus was decided the next fifteen years of that poor fucker’s life. You see, when Half-Life 2 came out Valve put out a version of Half-Life in the Source engine but it was just a copy paste of the assets, so some disappointed fellow said “Hey, wouldn’t it be great if this was an actual remake of Half-Life in the style of Half-Life 2 with fully updated graphics and level design?” And someone else said, “Yes, that would be great.

Black mesa disaster Pc#

But let’s take a step back.īlack Mesa is a fan-made remake of the seminal 90’s PC shooter, narrative action game tentpole and all around ball of chunky cuddles Half-Life, made in the Half-Life 2 Source engine. Which is all anyone should expect, since they’ve been polishing it for so fucking long there’s a six inch layer of crystallised Mr. “Hey, the enemy soldiers seem a bit too accurate-” “EARLY ACCESS!” “Oh for fuck’s sake.” And now I’m roundly miffed to see that the release version of Black Mesa is really fucking polished. “Hey, where are the Xen levels?” “EARLY ACCESS!” Hssssss. Back when I first played Black Mesa in those wonderful days before all sense left the Earth I had tons of shit to critic about but they kept throwing up the early access card like a crucifix to a vampire. As a critic this has been a right pinecone up my perineum. I assume they’ve been waiting until the kitschy retro factor kicks in since they missed the first chance to strike while the panty was wet.

Black Mesa was announced fifteen years ago and been in early access for five.

Black mesa disaster plus#

Plus it leads to situations like when I half-arsedly reviewed Fortnite while it was still in twirly axis, little realising it would soon become the world’s third most popular form of human communication.īut now I have a new problem, because sometimes games stay in early access the whole time they’re in the popular Zeitgeist so by the time I review it no one cares and have all moved onto John Madden’s Felching Simulator 2020.

I made a vow to stop reviewing games that are still in oily excess because anything I criticise can get fixed before the final release and then my review just has to dangle there from the internet looking all wrong and stupid like a decent human being in a Republican controlled Senate. Some day, indie games, you and I are going to have to draw up a little constitution and decide how long is too long to be in early fucking access. This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Black Mesa.